Escape to Paradise: Patong Bay Hill Resort Awaits!
Escape to Paradise? More Like… Bliss! A Review of Patong Bay Hill Resort (With a Whirlwind of Opinions!)
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because I just got back from a stay at Patong Bay Hill Resort, and let me tell you, my brain is still trying to sort through the tropical overload. "Escape to Paradise" they say? Well, it's definitely an escape, alright! And paradise…well, let's unpack that.
First Impressions: The Climb (and the View!)
The first thing that hits you? That HILL. Seriously, Patong Bay Hill… they weren't kidding about the "hill" part. Good for the glutes though, right? Especially if you're like me and tend to overindulge in, well, everything. I'm looking at you, that bottomless buffet. Seriously, this climb, or the convenient elevator for those smart enough to use it makes the accessibility is good overall.
But the VIEW. Oh. My. God. That is paradise. The moment you step onto the balcony, you're assaulted by a panorama of the turquoise Andaman Sea. It's breathtaking. Truly, profoundly breathtaking. Made me forget, like, 90% of my current life problems. This is where the "Escape to Paradise" part really kicks in.
Accessibility (A Mixed Bag… But Mostly Good!)
Okay, so let's get the serious stuff out of the way. Wheelchair accessibility? While they do have an elevator, I definitely wouldn't call it perfectly accessible. The walkways, while mostly flat, have some slight inclines, and the restaurant entrances might require a little maneuvering. But, the staff is super helpful - I'd imagine they'd be happy to assist. Remember the hill thing? Yeah, that's a consideration.
Rooms: Comfortable Enough (and those Blackout Curtains!)
My room? Pretty darn comfortable. Nothing super fancy, but clean, spacious, and with everything you need. The bed was comfy… and the blackout curtains? Genius. Essential. The savior of my vacation, honestly, helping me sleep off the cocktails and the jetlag. They're crucial for getting a good night's sleep! Air conditioning worked a treat – which is an absolute MUST in Thailand. And the little touches - the free bottled water, the toiletries… they all add up. I loved my balcony for my morning coffee. It had great views.
Internet & Connectivity: Keeping in Touch (or Not!)
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms! Yes! Crucial. The Wi-Fi was generally good, solid, but sometimes it could be a little… patchy, you know? The frustration of lag is never the part of the escape, of course.
- Internet Access (LAN): Available.
- Internet Services: You bet.
Things to Do (Beyond the Beach!)
Okay, so you've got the beach, right? Obviously. But Patong Bay Hill offers a decent arsenal of ways to… well… chill out.
- Swimming Pool: The outdoor pool is glorious, and the view from it is even MORE glorious. (Is there a theme developing here?)
- Spa/Sauna: I didn't actually use the spa, but the sauna! Yes, please.
- Gym/Fitness: They've got a fitness center. I walked past it. Twice. But good to know it's there, for those who are into that sort of thing.
- Massage: Always a good option!
- Pool with view: check!
The Food & Drink Saga (My Waistband is Still Recovering)
Listen, I take my food seriously. And Patong Bay Hill delivered.
- Restaurants: They've got a few. And the food? Delicious. From the Asian breakfast to the international cuisine, I was very impressed.
- Breakfast Buffet! Hello, glorious buffet! Omelets, fruit, pastries… a breakfast of champions! I ate so much, I'm pretty sure I gained a pound a day. Worth it.
- Poolside Bar: Ahhh, the poolside bar. The perfect spot to sip a cocktail while staring at that incredible view. Happy hour? Count me in.
- Room Service (24-hour): Bless them! Because sometimes, you just don't want to leave your robe and your glorious view.
Cleanliness & Safety: Feeling Safe (and Sanitized!)
Frankly, I was impressed. Post-COVID, you're always a little on edge, but the resort seemed to take hygiene seriously.
- Hand Sanitizer: Everywhere.
- Rooms Sanitized Between Stays: Check.
- Staff Trained in Safety Protocol: Definitely noticed.
- Daily Disinfection in Common Areas: Yep.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good.
- Safe dining setup: Yes.
Services & Conveniences: They've Thought of Everything (Almost)
- Concierge: Super helpful. They can arrange tours, taxis, pretty much anything.
- Cash Withdrawal: There's a cash machine.
- Daily Housekeeping: Excellent service, every single day.
- Laundry Service: Convenient, and reasonably priced.
- Luggage Storage: No issues.
- Air conditioning in public areas: Duh!
- Facilities for disabled guests: They are available.
For the Kids (If You're Bringing Them, God Bless You)
- Family/child friendly: Yep.
- Babysitting service: Available.
Getting Around: Taxi! Taxi! (and Motorbikes… If You Dare!)
- Airport Transfer: They offer this service.
- Car Park (Free of Charge): You can park there.
- Taxi service: Everywhere.
The Little Thorns in the Rose (or, the Imperfections)
Okay, look. No place is perfect.
- The Hill (Again!): This is a minor inconvenience for some, a major consideration for others. Consider the walk.
- Wifi (Sometimes Fickle): As mentioned above.
The Bottom Line: Should You Go?
Absolutely. 100%. Especially if you're seeking that escape, that breath of fresh air, that "Wow, this is beautiful" feeling.
My Unsolicited Advice:
- Book a room with a view. Seriously. It's worth it.
- Embrace the buffet. Life is too short to resist.
- Don't be afraid to ask for help. The staff are lovely.
The Offer: Escape to Patong Bay Hill – Don't Just Dream It, Live It!
Here's what I want to offer you:
- Book your stay at Patong Bay Hill Resort within the next 7 days and receive a FREE upgrade to a room with a panoramic ocean view! Picture yourself waking up to that vista every morning.
- Plus, enjoy a complimentary couples' massage at the world-class spa! Unwind after your long journey in paradise.
- And let's sweeten the deal; 10% off all dining expenses.
- Free Airport Transfer: Get to your private taxi to get to and from the airport.
Why book NOW? Because you deserve it! You deserve a break. You deserve to escape. Patong Bay Hill Resort is waiting to welcome you. So, what are you waiting for? Book your escape today!
(Disclaimer: I am not affiliated with Patong Bay Hill Resort, nor was this review sponsored. This is just my honest, slightly chaotic, and hopefully helpful experience.)
Anna's Belgrade Paradise: Stunning Apartment Awaits!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this Patong Bay Hill Resort itinerary isn't your sanitized, brochure-perfect trip. This is the REAL DEAL. The "sweaty armpits and existential dread in paradise" itinerary. Let's dive in…
Day 1: Arrival, Chaos, and Questionable Mango Sticky Rice
1:00 PM: Arrival at Phuket International Airport (HKT). Ugh. The airport is a sweaty free-for-all. I'm pretty sure I saw a guy wrestling a suitcase. And the smell… a glorious, overwhelming blend of exhaust fumes, sunscreen, and something vaguely floral. I'm already regretting not packing more deodorant.
1:45 PM: Taxi to Patong Bay Hill Resort. Negotiate a price. Overpay. Realize it's still cheaper than a taxi in New York. Win! (Sort of.) The drive is a blur of scooters, brightly colored tuk-tuks, and… oh god, is that a monkey? Someone yells at me, so I decide it isn't.
3:00 PM: Check-in. Room Reveal! Now, the room itself? Not bad. The view? STUNNING. I mean, turquoise water, palm trees swaying… I did a little happy dance on the balcony, almost falling over. Then I noticed the questionable stains on the bedspread. Okay, breathe. This is Thailand, not the Ritz.
4:00 PM: Poolside Panic and Pad Thai Pursuit. Found the pool. It's gorgeous, infinity edge blah blah blah. Until I tried to get in. The water was at least 95 degrees, so I only dipped my toes, I am scared of how hot it is. Spent the next hour trying to find a decent Pad Thai. Wandered aimlessly until my stomach screamed.
7:00 PM: Dinner Disaster and the Mango Sticky Rice Conundrum. Found a restaurant that looked promising. Ordered Pad Thai (again, because I'm apparently incapable of trying anything else) and mango sticky rice, which I'd been dreaming of since the flight. The Pad Thai was… edible. The mango sticky rice? Well, let's just say the mango was a little too… ripe. The rice? A gloopy mess. I ate most of it anyway because I refuse to throw away food. #TravelerProblems
9:00 PM: Bedtime Blunders and the Great Mosquito Massacre. Crawled into bed, exhausted. Realized I forgot to close the mosquito nets. (This is starting to sound like a disaster movie, isn't it?). Spent 20 minutes swatting at those little devils before I fell asleep, dreaming of air conditioning and a good night's sleep. It didn't happen. I think I killed at least 10.
Day 2: Beach Bumming, Booze, and a Brush with Reality
9:00 AM: Breakfast Blunders & Beach Bound. Managed to wake up after a restless night plagued by heat. Breakfast buffet. I grab the bacon. Regret it instantly, but devour the croissants. Off to Patong Beach! After a long and annoying search, found a place at the beach and sunbathed. I like the beach.
12:00 PM: Beach Bliss (and the Great Sunburn Scam). The beach is beautiful, even with the crowds. Spent a good hour or two swimming and pretending to be on a music video, enjoying the sun. Then I got complacent. And the sun? It's a sneaky bastard in Thailand. My back is already screaming for mercy. And yes, I did put sunscreen. Or so I thought.
2:00 PM: Happy Hour Hijinks. Found a beach bar. Ordered a Chang beer. And then another. And maybe another. The sun, the booze, the sheer beauty of it all… it's intoxicating. Maybe I'm just getting a little tipsy. I'm sure I'll regret this decision later.
4:00 PM: Massage Meltdown and Market Mayhem. Got a massage, mostly to soothe my screaming sunburn. (Turns out, I wasn't very good at applying sunscreen). The massage was heavenly. Then, disaster struck at the market. I tried a durian. The smell was overpowering. The taste… well, let's just that my tastebuds are still recovering. I bought some weird Thai sweets and got conned out of 200 baht by a street vendor. I tried to bargain, but I totally failed.
7:00 PM: Dinner and Drinks (and the realization that I am probably going broke). Found a restaurant with actual air conditioning. The food was delicious, but also expensive. Also ran out of money. At least I got the restaurant to switch out some of my money so I can keep on eating.
9:00 PM: Nightlife Nonsense. Patong at night? Chaos. Neon lights, street performers, and the constant, insistent offers of "Ping pong show?" I walked past a few. I am not sure if this makes me a good person or not. Decided to people watch.
Day 3: Adventure (Maybe?), Departure Anxiety (Definitely!)
9:00 AM: Poolside Reflections and the Great Unsolved Mystery Of The Chlorine Taste. Decided to start the day with a swim. But, oh god, that chlorine taste. It's so strong. I bet it's not safe. But, I still went in.
11:00 AM: Packing and the Unspoken Sadness of Departure. Started packing. Ugh. I don't want to leave. Even with the questionable mango sticky rice and the sunburn, I'm starting to love this messy, chaotic place. I don't want to go home.
1:00 PM: Final Mango Sticky Rice Attempt. Okay, one last try for the elusive perfect mango sticky rice. The place is right across from the resort. I walked in, and it looked promising. The mango was perfect, the rice was cooked to perfection. IT WAS AMAZING. Yes.
3:00 PM: Airport Adieu. Taxi to the airport. The final views of Phuket are bittersweet. So long, beautiful, and slightly terrifying Thailand.
4:00 PM: Flight Back Home. On the plane, the memories of Phuket, the beach, the food, the chaos… it's all a messy, beautiful blur.
1:00 AM: Arrival Home. Arrived. Tired. Sunburned. Broke. But oh, so happy. And already dreaming of my return.
Escape to Paradise: Patong Bay Hill - The Unfiltered FAQ (Warning: May Contain Sand)
So, Patong Bay Hill. Is it actually “Escape to Paradise” material, or is that just marketing fluff?
Alright, let's be honest. "Paradise" is subjective, right? For me? Mostly. Here's the deal: the view? Absolutely breathtaking. Like, seriously, I spent a solid hour just staring at the ocean, feeling utterly, blissfully *nothing*. Except maybe a mild sunburn forming on my nose. That's what I call a good start. Then, you've got the pool situation. Infinity pool overlooking the bay? Yes, please. Did I spend approximately 80% of my stay in it? Also yes. So, view: stunning. Pool: fantastic. Paradise-adjacent? Definitely. But, and there's always a but, isn't there? Read on…
Let's talk about these rooms... Are they actually nice? I'm picturing a moldy shoebox, even with the view. Spill the tea!
Okay, the rooms. This is where things get *interesting*. I booked a "Deluxe Ocean View Room" – which, I'll admit, I chose because it sounded fancy and I was feeling boujee. And, thankfully, it wasn't a complete disaster. Spacious enough, clean-ish (I found a tiny, almost imperceptible ant marching across the bathroom counter on day two, but brushed it off as a fellow traveler… I'm a people person, what can I say?), and the balcony was, again, killer views. But... the decor? Let's just say it screamed "2005-meets-Budget-Traveler." Think beige, a slightly questionable floral print, and furniture that had clearly seen better days. Okay, maybe 2000 and the furniture was tired. But the air con blasted cold so that's a win, right? And the *view*! Okay, view wins again. So, not perfect. But hey, at least I wasn't sleeping on a futon in a hostel. Right?
What about the food? I'm a foodie. Can I expect Michelin star quality? (be honest!)
Michelin star? Honey, no. Let's just say the culinary experience at Patong Bay Hill is... *serviceable*. The breakfast buffet was your standard fare: eggs (cooked to varying degrees of success), sad-looking sausages, and some questionable fruit. But there was an omelette station, so I made the most of it. The poolside restaurant? Again, okay. I had a pad thai that was… well, it was pad thai. Not the best I've ever had, but it filled a hole. The most memorable meal I had wasn't in the restaurant, though. It was that little street vendor selling mango sticky rice down the road. *That* was a taste of paradise. The restaurant food? Manageable. The mango sticky rice? A transcendent experience.
Tell me about the service. Are the staff friendly? Do they actually care?
The staff? Mostly lovely. There were some issues with communication at times – my attempts at ordering room service felt like a game of charades played over the phone. But, generally, they were friendly, helpful, and always smiling. And let me tell you, those smiles were worth their weight in gold when I managed to lock myself out on my balcony (don't judge me, it was the heat!). They got me back in quickly and didn't make me feel like the total idiot I was. The cleaners were impeccable, honestly, and the guys at reception were always willing to help, even when I had a *slight* issue with the bill (more on that later… let's just say, it involved a cocktail, a misunderstanding, and a desperate plea to remain solvent). The staff are fantastic, that's the short of it. They deserve a medal for putting up with tourists like me.
Alright, let's talk about the location. Is it a pain to get around? Close to the action?
Location, location, location! This is where it gets complicated. Patong Bay Hill is... up the hill. Literally. Which means glorious views. But it *also* means you're not right in the heart of the chaos. Getting to the beach or the nightlife is a bit of a trek. You can take a taxi, a tuk-tuk (which gets VERY exciting after a few cocktails, trust me), or rent a scooter (which, if you're anything like me and have questionable coordination, is probably a bad idea). I highly recommend using Grab - super easy and affordable. The walk down to the main drag isn't *terrible*, but it's definitely not ideal in the midday sun. The flip side is, the resort is a haven away from the craziness - that's a huge win in my book. So, you get peace and quiet, but you need to plan your excursions. Pick your poison! The view vs the chaos, it's the question.
Any "hidden gem" experiences you found while there? (good, bad, or hilariously awkward)
Okay, this is where things get interesting. The hidden gem? The tiny, unassuming massage place just outside the resort. Seriously. I stumbled upon it on my second day, desperate to ease the tension from my questionable yoga attempts. It was cheap, cheerful, and the woman working there had hands of steel. Best massage of my life. Then there's the incident with the cockroach. Okay, that's my "hilariously awkward" moment. Let's just say, a cockroach and I had a very intimate moment in my bathroom at 3 am. The emotional outcry that followed was spectacular (and probably woke up the entire floor). I can laugh about it now. I'm not sure my neighbors can. So go, get a massage, and maybe bring some bug spray. It's a tale of highs and lows, people, and that's what makes it real.
Would you go back to Patong Bay Hill? (and if so, why?)
Would I go back? Honestly? Yes. Despite the slightly dated decor, the location quirks, and the cockroach encounter (damn you, little critter!), the view, the pool, the generally lovely staff, and the mango sticky rice... they all outweigh the minor inconveniences. It's not a perfect resort, far from it. But it's a good resort. It's a place to relax, recharge, and escape. It's a place to get a killer tan, overindulge in cocktails, and maybe, just maybe, find your own little slice of paradise. And honestly? Sometimes, that's all you need.
Any insider tips or things you wish you knew before you went?
Hotel Explorers
