Gurtyeva Hostel: Russia's BEST Kept Secret? (You HAVE to See This!)
Gurtyeva Hostel: Russia's BEST Kept Secret? (You HAVE to See This!) - A Slightly Unhinged Review
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because I'm about to spill the (very strong) tea on Gurtyeva Hostel. They're calling it Russia's "best kept secret," and honestly? After spending a week there, I'm kind of pissed I didn't know about it sooner. This isn't your average hostel review; this is a full-blown, emotional rollercoaster, complete with questionable life choices and a severe caffeine dependency that started somewhere around day two. Let's get messy, shall we?
First Impressions (and the Quest for Wi-Fi):
Finding Gurtyeva was like stumbling into a fairytale… except the princess was probably desperately trying to connect to the Wi-Fi. Okay, scratch that fairytale. The exterior? Pretty unassuming, honestly. But inside… woah. It’s more interesting than "beautiful," let's say that. My first priority? Internet, Internet [LAN], Wi-Fi in all rooms!, Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!. I needed to submit a freelance gig, or I'd be living off instant ramen for the next month, and let me tell you, that’s not how I envisioned my glamorous Russian adventure. Thankfully, the Wi-Fi (thankfully, it was mostly reliable) was a lifesaver, even if I did spent an embarrassing amount of time wandering the hallways looking for the strongest signal. (Pro-tip: the lobby seems to be the Wi-Fi hotspot. You've been warned). Internet services are available, but I’m not sure what that means, other than I was able to connect my phone when I needed to. The Wi-Fi in public areas was also pretty solid, so you can mingle with your fellow travelers, or just be antisocial and scroll through TikTok, like I often did.
Accessibility:
I didn't need to check for accessibility myself, but a quick look suggests some attempt to make it accessible. There's an elevator, which is huge. I'm hoping they have Facilities for disabled guests, but not sure. I didn't see any specific Access information on the website, but it would be a good idea to check if one of your needs is Wheelchair accessible.
Cleanliness and Safety (My Obsession):
Look, in a post-pandemic world, I'm obsessed with hygiene. Give me the bleach, baby! Gurtyeva did not disappoint in this department. The place was spotless! And the lengths they went to were seriously impressive. I'm talking Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Professional-grade sanitizing services – the whole shebang. Rooms sanitized between stays, and they even have Room sanitization opt-out available if you are not the germaphobe I am. They had Hand sanitizer everywhere, and the staff seemed genuinely committed to keeping things clean. Safe dining setup? Check. Sanitized kitchen and tableware items? Check. They clearly took the Hygiene certification seriously. There were even First aid kits and a Doctor/nurse on call. It's a massive plus, and I felt completely safe the entire time. They also had a CCTV in common areas and CCTV outside property. And, I kid you not, the staff were all trained in Staff trained in safety protocol.
Rooms and Amenities (Did I Mention the Slippers?):
Okay, let's talk about the actual living situation. My room was… comfy. Like, I could live there. The bed was comfy, with Extra long bed which is great for a tall dude. There were Air conditioning (a lifesaver in the summer!), Air conditioning in public area, Blackout curtains for those epic sleep sessions, a Desk for my late-night writing binges, and a Refrigerator for my questionable snack choices. A Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, and Free bottled water were also big winners. The Mirror was handy for selfie purposes, naturally.
But the best part? The Slippers. Seriously. They provide little slippers. It's the small things, people! Also, Additional toilet which is good. Bathrobes made me feel all fancy.
Now, about the bathrooms. You have a Private bathroom, that’s good. There was a Separate shower/bathtub, and I think there were Towels, but I can’t recall for sure. Oh, and Toiletries.
Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Because Fueling Adventures is Important):
Okay, the food. Oh, the food. Breakfast [buffet] was available (yes, I indulged). Breakfast service, too! A Vegetarian restaurant and Asian cuisine in restaurant were really cool. There was a Coffee shop, where I may or may not have spent a concerning amount of time, and a Restaurants. Soup in restaurant. Desserts in restaurant, which I avoided because I'm watching my figure, which is a lie. And honestly, the Coffee/tea in restaurant was pretty decent.
There’s a Bar, and a Poolside bar. It was the ideal situation for a Happy hour, but alas, your gal was too busy on her laptop. You can get a Bottle of water, which helped me survive.
Things to Do, Ways to Relax, etc. (Or, My Lack Thereof):
Confession: I'm not a spa person. But Gurtyeva had everything. A Pool with view (I saw it from my window – gorgeous), a Sauna, a Steamroom, Spa, and even a Body wrap and Massage. They had a Fitness center too. I did none of it. Yes, I know, I'm a failure. But I was busy… working. (See Wi-Fi rant above).
Services and Conveniences (Seriously, They Thought of Everything):
This place is stacked. Seriously, the Concierge were helpful, and there were Daily housekeeping (Thank GOD, because I’m a slob). Luggage storage, Laundry service, and Dry cleaning were lifesavers. There was a Convenience store, a Gift/souvenir shop. Oh, and a Cash withdrawal.
For the Kids (If you are into that sort of Thing):
They seemed pretty child-friendly, but I didn't witness firsthand any Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, or Kids facilities.
Getting Around (Airport Transfers and More!):
They offer an Airport transfer, and Taxi service.
My Quirky Observations and Final Thoughts:
Okay, so here's the deal. Gurtyeva Hostel isn't perfect. The decor is… unique. The location might not be bang-on if you want to be smack-dab in the middle of the action; it's a bit of a taxi ride away, but not that bad. But honestly? I loved it. The staff were incredibly friendly and helpful. The cleanliness was top-notch. And the amenities? Unreal for a hostel. It's a hidden gem!
Quirks that made it memorable:
- The slightly aggressive air freshener in the hallways. (My sinuses still haven't recovered).
- The fact that I saw the same guy in the lobby at 2 AM every night, using the internet. (We never spoke, but I feel like we shared an unspoken bond).
- The almost-but-not-quite-successful attempt to make the elevators soundproof. (I could still hear them).
This Hostel is a MUST-STAY.
My Unhinged Recommendation:
Book it. Now. Seriously, don't hesitate. Gurtyeva Hostel is clean, safe, surprisingly luxurious for the price, and has everything you need for a great stay.
Here's my final pitch:
Tired of generic hotels? Craving a unique experience in Russia?
Gurtyeva Hostel is waiting for you!
This isn't just a hostel; it's an experience. Explore the city, relax in the spa, and get access to their super-speed internet. No matter your budget or length of stay, Gurtyeva has you covered!
Book your stay right now! Don't wait; this secret won't stay hidden forever!
[Insert link to booking here!]
Escape to Fairytale Germany: Hotel Gertrudenhof Awaits!
Okay, buckle up, buttercups, because this isn’t your average, sterile travel itinerary. This is… me on a trip to Hostel na Gurtyeva, Russia. And let me tell you, it’s going to be less “precision-engineered clockwork” and more “drunk octopus wrestling a Russian nesting doll.”
Day 1: Arrival and the Questionable Charm of Moscow
- Morning (Like, REALLY Morning): Landed at Sheremetyevo International. Ugh, the lines. Always the lines. And the judgmental glare of the customs officer… I swear he thought I was smuggling… joy. (I wasn't. Mostly.) Found a surprisingly decent, if slightly overpriced, cafe in the airport for a coffee that was desperately needed. This whole “starting the day before 10 am” thing is still a foreign concept.
- Late Morning/Early Afternoon: Took the Aeroexpress train to Belorusskaya station. Smooth. Easy. Almost felt… competent. Then the Metro happened. Dear God, the Metro. Gorgeous stations, a blur of faces, and the distinct feeling of being thoroughly lost in a sea of babushkas with shopping bags. Eventually, after a frantic exchange of pointing and increasingly frantic gestures ("Hostel? Gurtyeva? YOU KNOW?"), somehow, miraculously, I surfaced near Taganskaya station.
- Afternoon/Early Evening: Found the hostel. Hostel na Gurtyeva. Okay, first impressions… gritty charm. Let’s go with that. It’s in a seriously cool, decaying-but-alive part of town. Checked in. The receptionist was a total sweetheart with a smile that could melt glaciers. The room? Ah, the room. Shared dorm. Bunk beds. One slightly questionable stain on the ceiling that I’m just choosing to ignore. Found my bed. Thrown my stuff on it. Feeling like I was suddenly transported to a film set for a post-apocalyptic Russian drama.
- Evening: Attempted to navigate the local grocery store. Found myself face-to-face with a vast array of strange cheeses, pickled things that definitely weren't pickles, and a checkout lady who looked like she hadn't smiled since the fall of the Berlin Wall. Managed to stumble out with some bread, questionable sausage, and what I thought was sparkling water. Turns out… not sparkling. More on that later.
- Late Evening: Met some fellow travelers in the hostel common area. Awkward small talk. Shared a bottle of (actual) vodka with a guy from New Zealand who swore he saw a ghost in the bathroom. Decided to call it an early night. The ghost was probably my imagination!
Day 2: Red Square, Russian Palaces, and the Unsettling Charm of Pickled Cucumbers
- Morning: Slept in. Gloriously, wonderfully slept in. Woke up to the sounds of someone hammering something. This is the vibe.
- Rambling Aside: This is where I have to admit, the whole culture shock really started to hit me. It's so hard to keep my cool when I get hit with small things I didn't expect. It was a real mess. I mean, the sheer volume of Cyrillic script… I felt like I'd been transported to another planet. Still, the experience of being in Moscow had me overawed.
- Late Morning: Took the subway to Red Square. Yeah… Red Freakin' Square. Okay, it's… iconic. St. Basil's Cathedral is even more ridiculously gorgeous in person. The sheer scale of it all is mind-boggling. It’s like someone took a fairytale and decided to build it out of candy-colored bricks. Got completely distracted by the sheer number of pigeons. I think I may have tried to befriend one of them. It did not go well.
- Afternoon: Explored the GUM department store. Wow. Talk about opulent. Rows of designer brands, fancy cafes, and a lingering scent of expensive perfume. Felt wildly out of place in my slightly-travel-worn clothes. Had a very overpriced (but delicious) pastry. Decided to keep walking.
- A Moment of Unflinching Honesty: Okay, I have to say, it was the second day when something happened that I did not see coming. I did not expect to make life-long friends, but that's what I did. As always some friends were there for a limited time, maybe a party. But after all, I was happy.
- Late Afternoon: Visited the Kremlin. More impressive facades. I definitely felt like a tourist, craning my neck to look at the towers, palaces and cathedrals.
- Evening: Back to the hostel. A group of us decided to try a real Russian dinner. After some searching, we found a little place that promised authentic Russian food. Ordered a bunch of dishes. The pierogi, the beef stroganoff… all good. Then came the pickled cucumbers. Dear God, the pickled cucumbers. I’m not a huge fan of pickles as is. But these. These were… intense. I took a bite. My face contorted in a grimace of pure, unadulterated surprise. Everyone else seemed to be enjoying them. I politely ate one, then surreptitiously hid the rest under a napkin (which I swear, turned green).
- Night: Some more vodka. The New Zealander and I had a deep and meaningful conversation about the meaning of pickled cucumbers (we never came to a conclusion). The hostel staff had put some music. I woke up the next morning with a sore throat.
Day 3: Art, Regret, and the Relentless Pace of Moscow
- Morning: Dragged myself to the Tretyakov Gallery. Art. Lots of art. Icons. Portraits. Landscapes. Spent a couple of hours wandering the galleries. Saw masterpieces. Definitely felt a sense of cultural broadening. Actually, spent much more time admiring the magnificent architecture of the place.
- Afternoon: Made a terrible decision. Wandered into the Pushkin Museum. More art. More crowds. But… I was feeling a bit artistic.
- Late Afternoon: This is where it all went sideways. Decided I was feeling adventurous and sought out a traditional Russian Banya. I thought. Wrong. I should've stuck to my comfort zone. Turns out, I was completely unprepared. The heat. The whipping with birch branches. The utter lack of modesty. I was a sweaty, flailing mess. I stumbled out, feeling like I'd been steam-rollered.
- A Minor Catastrophe: I have to pause and mention that I made a second mistake. My phone got stolen. I think it was at the Banya. I don't even know how. But it happened. I was lost. Defeated. It was a lot.
- Evening: Back to the hostel, defeated but also… strangely exhilarated? Ate some instant noodles in my room. Reconnected with my friends, told them the story, and was promptly cheered up when one of them had another bottle of vodka, which was much needed.
- Night: Talked about my experience. Thought about the pickle.
Day 4: The Rest of the Trip
- Morning-Afternoon: Just tried to enjoy the day. Went to a cafe, but more importantly, called my family. Said everything was alright, got some reassurances. It was all going to be alright.
- Evening: We hung out in the hostel, and said our goodbyes.
Final Thoughts:
Moscow, you magnificent, chaotic, sometimes-terrifying, always-fascinating beast. I'm leaving with a slightly lighter wallet, a slightly worse headache, and a profound understanding of both the power of a good pickle (or, in my case, a completely horrific one) and the importance of traveling with an open mind (and maybe a good phrasebook). Would I go back? Absolutely. Next time, though, I’m bringing more courage, and maybe a hazmat suit for the Banya. And definitely, more vodka, I think.
Tante ALMA's Bonner Hotel: Germany's BEST-KEPT Secret? (You NEED to See This!)
Gurtyeva Hostel: Russia's BEST Kept Secret? (You HAVE to See This!) - Let's Get Real...
Okay, so... Is Gurtyeva Hostel REALLY a "best kept secret?" Like, is it actually THAT amazing?
What kind of people stay at Gurtyeva? Is it all backpackers, or… what should I expect?
The food. TELL ME ABOUT THE FOOD! I've heard rumors of… questionable culinary choices.
What are the rooms like? Are they clean? I'm a bit of a neat freak, you see…
Is it safe? Should I be worried?
What's the best thing about Gurtyeva Hostel? You know, the *one* thing that made it special?
Alright, so...what's the WORST thing? What's the catch?
Is it worth the trip? Would you go back?
